It all seemed so perfect, asking a girl out and making sure she said “YES”. I never thought it a sordid act, I was just too lonely and nobody could comprehend. I was stupefied when she said let’s give it a try. She was so innocent and no mammon could change that, she was just too good for me; or so I thought. We had what seemed like interminable calls and chats almost every day of the week. I really did think we were in love, I didn’t know it was just a figment of my imagination. Whenever I was down, I’d think of her and I’d find my heartbeat racing again. She was benign in every aspect, her studies and her lifestyle. When I do go outing with my friends, I’d find myself being taciturn because my mind is so far away from their conversation; it is always thinking about her. Her images are still stuck on my mind, both those I created by conversing with her and those I had to force my mind to save because I viewed them with my mobile phone.
It all seems so blurry now. It all started when we started dating, the frequent calls and messages on whatsapp and text messages. I thought it was all going fine till we started seeing each other less, talking on the phone less, the whatsapp messages came to a halt too. She claimed her phone had a fault but my mind never came to terms with agreeing with her. I was advised by my friends to be prudent and act wisely. I guess I never welcomed any of those advice. We hardly remembered one another and as the saying goes “LOINS DES YEUX, LOINS DES COEUR”, which means out of sight, out of mind.
I recall going to meet a friend of mine on a certain day at a secluded area for a business deal, not a dangerous one. I inadvertently asked him about her and what I received in turn as a response sent my body temperature to the hills. I was bewildered to find out that she already had what the French would call “Petit-ami”. I confronted the dude but he didn’t seem a bit bothered, maybe because he wasn’t serious with her or just maybe I didn’t convince him well enough. I’m guessing he thought the idea of her having another heartthrob was ludicrous and incongruous. I don’t blame him because I would have reacted in the same manner. Trust is very essential for every relationship, be it marriage or a friendship. I haven’t confronted her yet but my mind keeps asking questions like, “what if she denies it or what if your business friend lied to you or is unsure or what if the so called designated boyfriend isn’t actually her boyfriend?” .Oh, how my mind is so much disturbed! Since I heard that disastrous story, I haven’t been able to have a copacetic sleep as I used to have. I have a feeling that I have insomnia but I still have my doubts. I used to be such an overzealous individual until the story reset my memory and I have been nothing but reticent ever since.